From a young age, Bec Brewin has loved op-shopping. So when she lost her mum two days before Christmas last year, she went "grief op-shopping" with her sister.
During difficult periods, such distractions can be welcome.
"You find all this weird stuff, have a chuckle, try something on, and it just takes you away from whatever's happening day-to-day," she says.
Currently on maternity leave from her work as a communications coordinator, Bec goes op-shopping regularly, documenting her finds from around Naarm/Melbourne on TikTok. Read on for her shopping tips and advice on how to be there for someone who is grieving.
Unwind with… is a weekly column that explores the simple ways people take care of themselves.
My tips for op-shopping…
A lot of people tell me they never find anything and ask how I find such great stuff.
My first tip is to go fairly regularly — I'll look in op shops an average of three times a week, which is a lot because I'm on maternity leave, but I'm lucky to live quite close to many.
The second is to look through everything — I go through every coat hanger and every section because sometimes things get put back in funny places. I could be there for hours and find it's quite a mindful thing because you can't look at your phone.
The third is to be comfortable — I can't go if I'm hungry, tired, or I need to go to the toilet!
The fourth is to be patient — it doesn't mean it's a bad op shop if you don't find something that day, it just means there was nothing for you.
The fifth is to be discerning — there's a tendency to buy stuff at the op shop just because it's cheap and it fits, but you can end up with clutter.
I ask myself: if it was full price at a department store, would I still buy it? Sometimes I've just enjoyed finding things, but then I can walk away and still have had a fun trip without bringing more stuff into my house.
My advice on how to unwind during periods of grief…
I found a lot of joy in trying to create my outfit for Taylor Swift's tour. I have been posting about that journey on TikTok and everyone's giving me advice about how to sew a dress.
Sewing is not my forte, but it was Mum's, so I have been wobbly because I really wish I could ask Mum, but at the same time it is great picking up a new hobby and having a distraction.
My advice is to plan one thing a month that you're looking forward to. After Taylor Swift, I've got a cruise, and then a book club retreat, and something lined up for the next five months.
I've learned it's not selfish to ask for help…
My sister really taught me that if someone says let me know if you need help, you can actually ask for what you need and it's not selfish.
When Mum died, a friend of mine who works in the beauty industry offered to help, and so I asked if she could do a mini facial for me and my sister, and it was just so loving and caring.
My favourite way to unwind is…
About a year and a half ago I was out walking my dog and I saw another lady with a sausage dog. We struck up a conversation, which led to meeting a whole bunch of neighbours who have a dog walking group. We meet up most mornings and that's how I learned about a ballet class.
It's just the most amazing group of women and the most fun. We're also working on a routine, which is great for your brain and preparing for a concert.
Just because we're getting older doesn't mean we shouldn't get up on a stage in makeup and a glittery costume and give it our best!
Maternity leave can be a very different experience for everyone…
If you, or someone you know, needs help:
PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) on 1300 726 306
Sands (miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death support) on 1300 072 637
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby helpline on 1800 882 436
Lifeline on 13 11 14
MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978
Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36 or online resource Dadvice
It's been such an interesting experience with my second. I had a bit of a rocky start with my first child with a traumatic birth and being in lockdown. I was vocal about things not being okay and called my GP and PANDA.
I've now seen that if you have a good start, a positive birth, it can be a completely different experience on maternity leave.
For me this time, I was just so keen to get out and about, and so ready to put my daughter in the capsule and just explore and take advantage of the fact that I felt well mentally and physically.
In hindsight, I probably should have rested more, but I was just really excited about having a different experience.
Unwind with… is produced by Madeleine Dore, a writer, interviewer and author of I Didn't Do The Thing Today.
ABC 15/02/2024